well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize