bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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