I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
ttyl tear gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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