I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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