speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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