she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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