Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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