I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize