If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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