I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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