We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize