Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
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It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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