I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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