My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize