Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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