put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize