he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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