I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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