Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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