You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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