The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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