I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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