Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize