Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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