The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize