she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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