An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize