There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize