I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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