just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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