the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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