Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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