Umm I'm too high to move.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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