you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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