I feel great
I just peed on a car
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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Naked. naked and bneed help.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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