naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize