Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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