Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize