WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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