I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize