you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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