This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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