I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize