i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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