I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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