I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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