i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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