Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
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You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize