I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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