I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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